Praising God When It Doesn’t Seem like We Should Be

Praising God When It Doesn't Seem like We Should Be, Woven Beautiful

It was June 2003 and my 20-year-old heart weighed heavy as I sat on the floor of my bedroom.

I had just returned home from babysitting three of my favorite kids down the street so that their mom could go visit a 27-year-old man in the hospital who had been badly injured in a motorcycle accident; the phrases traumatic brain injury and spinal cord injury didn’t sound promising.

This man was a mere stranger to me, but I hurt for him and for his family. The heartache and shock of waking up from a coma, not able to identify your closest loved ones, your quality of life now unknown, and faced with the words complete spinal cord injury at the T4 level with no known cure—what in the world would that be like?

So, I prayed. I don’t recall my words—but there on the soft carpet of my bedroom floor, I prayed.

Spring 2004 rolled around and that man I had once prayed for, rolled into my life.

Literally.

A miracle, right before my eyes. He survived a crash that could have taken his life. He was in a coma for days with no brain activity—but there he was—alive with a charming grin on his face.

How could someone who once climbed 14ers, bare-foot-water-skied, scuba dived in the Great Barrier Reef, and worked in the South Pole…have so much joy after losing control of two-thirds of his body? No longer able to run freely but now dependent on a wheelchair to navigate life—where does one find joy not based on circumstances?

Over the next few months we spent time together, mainly in group settings—rarely just the two of us. We would see each other at church and exchange hello’s. Sometimes he would ask me to come hang out with his family; his family was a rock in his life. I heard stories of how his family and friends gathered in the hospital to pray for him, and I remember seeing the beautiful blue prayer quilt woven together with prayers. So many people came together and prayed big prayers for him; so many still pray to this day.

I wish I could tell each of them thank you—thank you for being there and loving him and hugging him, when I could not. Thank you for praying for him and continuing to fervently pray.

Praising God...dating

By February 2005 we started dating. I was falling in love.

We didn’t blend in, we stood out—far from the average couple. The stares, the glances, the looks, the curious children—they made me self-conscious at first. Every time I unloaded the wheelchair out of the car it felt like all eyes were on me. Every time we rolled into a restaurant, a movie theater, a shopping mall—all eyes were on us.

After a while I stopped caring and stopped trying to read people’s minds.

My world had changed and never again would I view things like stairs and narrow doorways in the same light. My boyfriend had a ‘don’t give up’ attitude, but the challenges still stung. As I learned over time, not being able to walk was just a small part of the struggle. Pressure sores, fatigue, sore muscles, obstacles everywhere…problems piled on top of problems.

My human flesh cried out:

God, I’m not you’re girl for this. I’m not strong enough, not brave enough…you picked the wrong person. God, why? Why can’t you just heal him, make him all better? You’re the God of miracles. You can set his feet a-dancing again, so why don’t you? Please God, I’m begging you—I love this man, but I can’t do this alone. I don’t understand. This. Is. Hard. 

Reality overwhelmed me at times but I was learning some of my most important lessons through this man I had fallen in love with—that you can still have joy, you can still live alive, you can still praise God even when, especially when, life hits hard.

It’s in our weakness that God’s strength shines mightily. Paul pleaded with the Lord three times to take away the “thorn in the flesh” but the Lord responded:

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. -2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

And Paul went onto to say:

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insult, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)

Boast about weakness? Grace and weakness mixed in the same string of words? How can that be?

In a world that praises “feeling good” this makes no sense. But Jesus didn’t come to make us feel good temporarily. He came to save us and set us free and to satisfy us eternally—to give us abundant life which can be ours because of the suffering Jesus endured.

Suffering? Because He suffered for our sins, we can live—eternally? What kind of a God writes the story that way?

It’s in our pain and sorrow and deep suffering and weakness where God’s Grace and Love have the power to shine brightly and breathe life into the dead spaces.

Isn’t that the story of the Cross? 

When pain hits we go about trying to figure out how we’re going to fix it—how we’re going to make the ache go away. But what if we just sat there, right in the midst of our messy pain—breathing in the Savior who wears scars that offer hope?  

That’s what this man I had fallen in love with had learned to do. He could have raised his fist and been angry at God—but instead, in the following months and years proceeding his injury in the wee hours of the night when he couldn’t sleep, he opened up his Bible and soaked in God’s Word.  He chose God. He praised God in the storm.

Sometimes praising God is soaking our pillow wet with tears as we pour out our hearts to God, believing that He hears us. Sometimes it’s getting down on our knees with our faces to the ground, trusting that He will make good of the mess. Sometimes it’s proclaiming His Promises even when it feels like everything is falling apart.

It’s choosing Him, calling on Him, receiving Him—and as we do, He fills us with a peace that passes absolutely all understanding.

We really don’t know what it means to praise God at all times until we’ve learned to praise Him in the storm—to praise Him in the place that seems crazy to praise Him. To praise Him when it seems like we shouldn’t be. 

In a culture that praises materialism, fame, and pleasure …we’ve grown confused thinking that praise is all about warm-fuzzy moments. It’s easy to take the good but what about giving when it hurts? We get offended by phrases like, God is good all time, because if we’re honest—we selfishly don’t want there to be a cost to our faith.

It’s not about praising our ever changing circumstances. It’s about praising HIM, the unchanging God. The God Who is faithful, loving, gracious, kind, passionate, purely good, mighty, generous, victorious—the God Who will one day set everything right, Who will wipe away every tear, Who tells us to be strong and courageous for He is with us, Who spoke this world into being, Who humbly sent His only Son down to earth to be nailed to a rugged Cross and suffer so that we can live forever with Him in Paradise…

This is amazingly Good News. We don’t have to have to cower in fear when the darkness of life strikes us down. We have a choice.

Choose God or choose defeat. Run to God or run away from Him. 

sleeping

Praising God When It Seems like

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That grin. That joy. That man who came up with a nickname for me for every letter of the alphabet—he knows the road of suffering. But hope lives inside of him because Jesus lives inside of him and no amount of struggle can steal that away from him. He chose God and He continues to choose God.

Yes, sometimes the struggles weigh so heavy that I can barely breathe. But I too choose God. I am daily dependent on Him to help me through what I’m not strong enough to face on my own. God holds me close, He holds us close, reminding us that He is fighting for us and that His power is made known in our weakness.

He causes beauty to rise from ashes because His Grace is powerful enough to breathe life into our brokenness.

I’ve seen it over the years…my husband rolling into a room and blessing other people. They see his grin, the same grin I fell in love with over a decade ago. They wonder how someone who clearly knows deep struggle can be so alive—just like I wondered all those years ago.

Praising God...

The secret to being content in any and every situation doesn’t depend on our life events. The same Paul who lived with a “thorn” discovered the secret:

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. -Philippians 4:13 (NLT)

So yes, right there at the foot of the Cross where suffering and love collide, where the Light outshines the darkness, where pain intersects with passion, where grace meets hope…

We can praise God—the Great I Am Who is able to do infinitely more than we might ask or think. And the darkness trembles because it knows the end of the story—it doesn’t win. God does.

As I sat on my floor in the summer of 2003, praying for a man I didn’t know—I had no idea that one day that man would become my husband, the father of my son, the financial provider of our family, and one of my greatest teachers.

 

30 Comments

  1. Wow!! Thank you for sharing your story, your heart and your husband’s unfailing love for God. What he experienced most would find hard to Praise God during that time because for most it is human nature to feel sorry for ourselves. What an amazing testimony he has to show what a true Christians life should be like. Praising God not just on our good days but the even when the storm is roaring!! Thanks again!

    1. What deeply kind words that encourage me, Kim. Thank you! ALL is praise to God when we acknowledge Him and choose Him over our circumstances. God is tenderly teaching me this through people like my husband. What a good God we have that He doesn’t waste a thing.

  2. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this. It made me cry, in a good and encouraging way!! Thank you for sharing your heart. It is beautiful to hear your side of your story, and I can easily imagine the struggles you two have been through, but what beautiful, God-infused results. I know He is still working in all of us, bringing us closer to his Beauty and Truth and Love. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are both amazing!

    1. I’m so grateful for you, Liz. Vince is blessed to have you as his sister and what an amazing support system of family and friends that have come alongside him (and us). Thanks for uplifting me with your words!

  3. Hannah, my husband is a “cousin” (once removed or something like that) to your husband, and we knew him before the accident. From reading your blog, it looks like he hasn’t changed at all! I cried when I read your woven masterpiece. God is SO good. So good. I treasure this piece.

    1. Laura, what a gift your words are to me. Thank you! I’m so grateful for family and getting to hear stories over the years since I’ve been a part of the family. God is so very good.

  4. Hannah, what a gift to read your story. I had known bits and pieces of it since I attended the same church beginning in 2005. Thank you for sharing your gift of writing and for your honesty. To this post, I say, “Amen!”

    1. Sarah, thank you so much for your kindness and for spending time here. We met SO many people at that church who encouraged us in this journey — so grateful for that!

  5. Though I was a distant witness, I’ve never heard your story. I am so moved to hear your praise from the pain. There are uncomfortable truths for those of us who believe that God is working all things together for our comfort and ease. And it’s easy to speak the biblical truths when we don’t have to live them!

    1. It is the painful experiences that challenge our faith the most and also have the power to draw us very near to our deep need for a Savior. Some of the sweetest moments of intimacy I’ve had with Jesus are the times of trials — it is such upside down thinking but Kingdom thinking will always look different. Thanks for your words, Kara!

  6. Hannah and Vince, The three of you are often on my mind and in my prayers. Even though we’ve returned to Texas, you are never far away. You are and shall remain an inspiration to us in many ways. We shall continue to pray for your family. The Lord uses these human concerns, to draw us closer to Him in our needs, for there can be no greater need than to need God! What greater focus does the Lord teach than for us to be “Blessed” as being “poor in spirit”. Give Vince a hug. And you as well. Your son is a picture of the Jesus that is alive in you both. Missing you. Much love, Marcia

    1. Marcia, what a joy to hear from you! I treasure your words and am incredibly grateful for your prayers. Thank you. Oh how we need God — yes, there is no greater need. We miss you too and hope that you and Randy are doing well. So wonderful hearing from you and sending hugs your way!

  7. Thank-you Hannah for sharing this side of the story. What an incredible journey of pain, yet coming thru rejoicing. Your husband’s faith is amazing. May God continue to bless both of you along with Micah. We love you guys.

    1. Thank you, Ruth. Vince has always amazed me. And the family I have gained through being his wife…I am so grateful for. The painful moments are real, but His joy comes in the morning. Love you!

  8. Hannah, thank you so much for sharing your story. I have known your husband for many years and he has impressed me more every year. You have both had many challenges and he had many challenges before that horrible day on Turkey Creek. His good attitude is nothing shy of a miracle and I have prayed for your husband many times throughout my life. I am sad that we have not known each other well and I have not seen Vince much in the past ten years, but I am so glad he found you. God prepared your heart and his for each other and I praise God for the beauty he has created in your lives from the ashes. Vince impressed me in high school on our mission trip and I am so overjoyed that God has called both of you closer to his heart through your sorrow. I will continue to pray for your family. The pain of that day long ago is part of the beauty of your love for him. I will never understand why, but to see your life together and hear your wonderful testimony makes my eyes well up with joy. Eternity is singing in your hearts, even amidst the earthly challenges.

    1. As I wipe my tears…wow, such touching words. Kris, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m praising God for you, for your prayers, and for your uplifting beautiful words written here. I will never understand why either, but to see God creating good out the ache leaves me awestruck. He can make beauty out of anything and there is something especially striking about beauty created with the broken pieces.Thank you for sharing from your heart and blessing me with such powerful Spirit filled words.

  9. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. My life and the life of my family is certainly different than I had planned or anticipated. However God has been there through it all. He was there when my newborn was airlifted to another hospital with a 5% chance of living and he was there when that child made it home. He was there when we were told our child would never walk or talk and would always need any oxygen tank. He was there when the doctors could not understand why he was doing so well. This child is now 18 and walks, talks and does not need oxygen. He was there when my husband was injured and became disabled over 14 years ago. I am so thankful for your story and excited to see how God is using you to help others. Why my son was healed and my husband was not, I cannot say. All I know is we give it to God and he is there for us. Thanks so much for sharing!!

    1. Lynette, I am very touched by your story and your heart of acknowledging that God was/and is there every step of the way. Oh, I can only imagine what it must have been like to go through the uncertainties with your newborn baby. I am so glad to hear that all these years later your son is doing well. I am glad that your husband is here and it sounds like we can relate some. It is such a mystery to us to understand the why’s, but what beautiful truth you said — we give it to God and he is there for us. What an encouragement to hear from you and thanks for sharing!

  10. Wow! What a tribute to the God who forms us and helps us through the ups and downs of our lives as we live in this world. He prepares us for our entrance into the heavenly place that is reserved for us. That preparation , as it was with you and Vince, can be heartbreaking, with many trials, but He does bring the sunshine after the storms. He brought you into our Bollinger family and I thank Him for the joy that you bring to all of us and especially to Vince and Micah. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your lives as the Lord allowed your paths to cross and ultimately formed a wonderful family. God knew you belonged together!

    1. Thank you, Aunt Carolyn! Each story is unique, and while there is ache with suffering, He does use that suffering to prepare us for His Kingdom. And I know for me, the ache points me to my ache for Him — and drawing near to God is the best thing we can do. Thanks for your wise, beautifully said words that encourage me this morning and will stay with me forever. So grateful to be a part of the Bollinger Clan!

  11. What a beautiful story of God….

    As a mother, one of my “forever” prayers, is that God would give my children a spouse that would love them well – for who they really are, someone who would bring out the best in them, and who would lead them closer to God.

    When Vince had his accident, my life turned upside down… I couldn’t imagine what kind of young woman would embrace the challenges, and come along side to be a loving wife. Obviously, God had that all worked out, beforehand! What a joy!!! Hannah, you are a beautiful answer to our prayers for a loving wife and a sweet mother to your child.

    Thank you God, for knowing what we need, and providing the answers, far before we even know how to ask…

    God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
    Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes! (‭Ephesians‬ ‭3‬:‭20-21‬ MSG)

    1. To see God weave everything together for the good of us and others is pure grace — and all the more reason to rejoice!

      You pour into the lives of so many always joyful to help. I’m so grateful for that in you and especially for the way you poured into to Vince’s life during that very hard time. A mother’s love is very special to her children.

      Thank you for your prayers even before you knew who I was and for welcoming me into your family when that time came. Your fun hats, yummy food, and generous hospitality (just to name a few things)…have been a blessing over the years!

      Your amazing son has forever left an imprint on my heart and loves me in a way no one ever has. I’m so grateful that at God’s perfect time, he came into my life…and then so did all of you.

      Your ongoing love, support, and prayers are treasured. Thank you, Eunice!! ❤️

  12. Wow, what a encouraging and beautiful story of unfailing love and faithfulness of Gods love and to God. Thank you for sharing and for being so honest. I needed the verses myself going through my own storm, nothing like this but this encourages and pushes me for sure. Also what an amazing and strong example to your beautiful son that you two are leading, an amazing legacy that you are leading. Just beautiful.

    1. Such kind words, Heather — thank you for your beautiful heart. As you weather the storms, I pray He will strengthen you and propel you even closer to His Love and the fullness of His unique plans for you.

  13. I have never met you and have met Vince only a couple of times. A cousin of your mother-in-law, Eunice. I want to affirm that to which you have testified—God is faithful and He redeems good from evil. Pat and I have experienced that this last 18 months on a much more “things” oriented level than a personal life level. A house fire took about 98% of the “things”, but what we have now is SO much more than what we could have made out of a 40 year old house. God bless. Hope we can meet sometime. CRAIG

    1. Craig, thanks for sharing. Wow, I can only imagine what that kind of loss is like. Yet to hear the good that God is doing through a trying time, is a wonderful testament to our redeeming God. I too hope that we can meet sometime and I’m very grateful that you came by. Thank you!

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