I stared at the screen, desperate for the words to flow through my fingers so that I could just make some progress.
They wouldn’t budge.
Eventually they did as a new thought sprung to mind — an awakening I didn’t anticipate. As my fingers brushed against the keyboard, I could feel hesitation on the horizon. My fingers tightened as self-doubt invaded my thoughts; a familiar thorn I wrestle with more than I speak of.
A dream to write a book lives in my heart, and a while back I began putting that dream into action, not telling a soul at first because who am I to write…a book??? Like a whole book printed on pages that people buy and take home and read.
Who am I?
A child of God.
So why the struggle to confidently rest in the truth? Those pesky lies flame up, especially when you’re doing Kingdom work.
As that new idea emerged and I typed, trying to make the thoughts flow into something of use for my manuscript, in one moment I felt wonder and the next I felt defeat. I felt not smart enough. I felt like I didn’t have enough Bible knowledge to bring a message of hope to others. I felt like the wrong person for the task.
And then I remembered back to over a decade in time. School didn’t come easy for me. I had to work hard to pull off decent grades. I sat in embarrassment as high school friends rejoiced over their high test scores and hefty college scholarships. I was accepted to some colleges but not on any scholarship.
It wasn’t until college that I started to really excel in my academics, because I started to have faith that I could. College is when I let Jesus in, and when I began to believe my worth beyond the mirror of distortion. College is when I discovered that I am a daughter of the Most High King, and He wove me together with gifts and passions that are meant to breathe life into me – and scatter into the world.
HE is the One who equips us to do the work we were put here to do.
HE is the One who says YOU CAN, when every other voice screams you can’t.
HE is the One who is able to do infinitely more than we might ask or think.
HE is the One who is always for us, even when we don’t believe in us.
HE is the never-giver-upper who waits patiently for His children to turn to Him.
HE is the beginning, middle, and end, and in Him all things hold together and have meaning.
HE is perfect, holy, sovereign, almighty, victorious, unchanging.
HE is life.
HE is truth.
HE is the crusher of fear, for His perfect love casts out all fear.
When God calls us to something, He equips us along the way to be His hands and feet. Easy, He never promised. But we can count on Him for the helping of strength, grace, and wisdom needed to persevere and make it through. And when God calls us to something, His plans are to build intimacy with us through the journey. He wants to spend time with us and give a deeper revelation of His love which flows everlasting.
So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. ~Galatians 6:9 (MSG)
Baby steps at a time and through pure faith in the unseen, I press on in obedience to God’s call. I type, pray, and fall more in love with the Word of God — the Book of Love and the Author of it. Remembering that before the dream to write was ever mine, it was first His dream for me.
He equips the called. The least likely. The ones with little or no titles behind their names. The ones who awaken to their need for Him and their worth in Him, thus awakening to His dreams for them far beyond what the human mind can comprehend.
*Photo Credit: adapted from here